What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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