I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
