I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
