Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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