dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
