Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
