oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
