There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He did a backflip because drugs
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