I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
