saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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