it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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