went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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