dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
