I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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