The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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