The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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