he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
