True but thats because hes a fetus.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Randomize
