Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
