I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
