Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
