cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
