oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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