just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize