Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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