My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
