that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
