I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
