He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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