I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
