I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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