In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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