we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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