Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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