You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I would ride that face into the sunset
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
