I wish I only lived at night.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
