Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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