whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
