I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
