if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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