it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
