We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
