A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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