Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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