the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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