why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
