The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
