One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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