awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
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I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
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Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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