Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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