i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
