I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
