He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
