Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
