areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
