There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
