Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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