maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
