You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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