just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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