I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
