If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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