Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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