They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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