I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
