you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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