He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
