how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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