Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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