i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Vodka?
Forever.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
