She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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