May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
