What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
