She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
