I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
