I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
