Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
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