Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
