just survived the first fart of the relationship.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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