is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
