My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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