she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
