So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
