I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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