i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
