i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
