Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
