it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
