Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
